So you came here looking for fun and now there are rules to friends with benefits dating? Well not really....they are not rules per se and can be considered more guidelines or helpful tips.
"Frenefits" as we call it, or friends with benefits or just 'FWB' as it is also often referred to, is a relatively new concept. At least a relationship being clearly and openly defined, and agreed upon, as a purely sexual relationship for the benefit and enjoyment of both parties is a relatively new concept. Therefore, not everyone will have experienced it before or will know how best to approach the whole area.
While one night stands and casual sexual encounters have been around since the dawn of day, such experiences were typically spontaneous and a once-off and short lived by nature. Frenefits in comparison is a platonic relationship with a commitment to satisfy each others sexual needs and wants.
While membership site like ours have made it easy to find your ideal frenefits partner, some rules can be followed to ensure you and your partner get exactly what you want and expect out of the 'relationship' and that the benefit parts are not forgotten. Here's a very brief overview of thee rules:
- Be Confident and Self-assured
- Make Sure you are Emotionally Ready
- Be Clear on the Purpose of Your 'Relationship'
- Leave your Feelings at the Bedroom Door
- Chose your Frenefits Partner Wisely
- Keep it Casual, But Be Respectful
- Ensure it is What Your Want
- Ensure Your Own Needs are Prioritised
- Don't Behave Like a Couple
- Don't Be Clingy or Jealous
- Stay Protected
- Be Discreet
- Don't Let Things Go Stale
- Be a Good Lover
- Don't Be Afraid to Call it Quits
So you're probably starting to get the picture and here is more detail on each rule to give greater context:
1. Be Confident and Self-assured
One must be comfortable in their own skin with a good level of confidence and self-assurance in order to be comfortable with a friends with benefits 'relationship'.
If you are someone who tends to fall in love quiet easily or typically finds yourself getting involved in committed relationships rather quickly, then it is likely you are not the ideal candidate or this type of dating. If this sounds like you then it is probably only a matter of time before before you find yourself uncomfortable with this type of dating, and potentially reverting to a more traditional type of dating or relationship.
Similarly if you lack somewhat in confidence or self-assurance it is quite possible you will find particular parts of FWB dating, such as the avoidance of acting like a couple or doing 'coupley' things together, or leaving your feelings at the bedroom door might be particularly challenging for you.
2. Make Sure you are Emotionally Ready
It is very important you are emotionally ready for frenefits dating and everything that goes with it.
Are you truly comfortable with a sex based relationship? Are you ok with avoiding dates and not doing 'coupley' things together? Can you handle a lack of communication when you're not together? Would you be devastated if you FWB was to come to an end or if your partner fell in love with someone else?
These are all things to consider before embarking on a no strings attached relationship with a friend - essentially it is very important to be emotionally ready for everything that comes with it.
3. Be Clear on the Purpose of Your "Relationship"
You and any potential partner should talk openly and honestly about your expectations of your frenefits 'relationship' from the very beginning. Be honest with one another about what you being together sexually really is and exactly what you both want to get out of it.
It is best to be under no illusion about what you are getting into right from the offset....this will lead to a better experience and help avoid any unintended consequences. Avoid any confusion, so you can both relax, and enjoy it for what it is.
If you only want to be available at weekends then state that openly and clearly.
If certain sexual positions or tastes are not to your fancy be open about it.
While it might sound slightly unnatural to be having such a discussion at the outset, having clear expectations of what you want and having a clear understanding or what your partner wants, will lead to things running much smoother.
4. Leave your Feelings at the Bedroom Door
A casual relationship will be anything but casual and enjoyable if feelings develop on one side that are not reciprocated on the other side.
While it is not unheard of for frenefits to develop into something more, it is not overly common and can be difficult for a long-term relationship that has started out as frenefits to last the distance.
Similarly, if you are having a FWB with the hope that your partner will fall for you or that something more meaningful will develop, it is likely you may be disappointed.
Frenefits is about having a convenient sexual relationship that benefits both parties so in most cases feelings are best left at the bedroom door.
5. Chose your Frenefits Partner Wisely
It is obviously very important to consider you frenefits partner wisely.
Your ideal partner is someone you are friendly with, and find attractive, but not someone you already fancy or may already have feelings for.
Most friends with benefits naturally expire over time when this type of relationship is no longer working for one or more of the partners, so it is not recommended to get involved with a really a good friends so as not to risk the friendship (with a really good friend it usually end with one side developing stronger feelings).
6. Keep it Casual, But Be Respectful
Although FWB dating is by its very nature casual, this does not mean that there should not be anything other than a shared respect between partners.
Be respectful of your frenefits partner and their time, don't take them for granted, treat them like an object or try to convince them to engage in any activity that they are not 100% comfortable with.
Even though frenefits is a mutually benefits arrangement between consenting adults, nothing takes the excitement and enjoyment out of it as quickly as a lack of respect or any behavior that would not be tolerated in a more conventional friendship or any type of relationship. While keeping it casual is highly recommended, being respectful is a must.
7. Ensure it is What Your Want
Sometimes people are convinced they know what they want in advance only to find that their expectation was more of a fantasy and the real-life experience does not match up to their expectations.
Always be comfortable that frenefits continues to fulfill your needs. Often frenefits suits a person for a particular period or stage in their life, but not thereafter. Reassess on a regular to ensure frenefits is really what you want and it is still working for you.
As soon as it stops working for you or you become tired or bored of it, more on to a different type of relationship that better suits your needs.
8. Ensure Your Own Needs are Prioritised
Often with a more traditional type of dating, compromise and consideration are much needed qualities.
However, not with frenefits where it is perfectly ok - and in fact is almost a prerequisite - to prioritise your own needs and regularly reflect to ensure your needs are being met.
If you don't like something or if there is something in particular that is not working then you should be upfront about it and discuss it.
If you have a particular fancy, a favourite position or a sexual fantasy you can be more upfront about making requests than you may otherwise be in committed relationship and more comfortable discussing things given you don't see your frenefits as a potential lifelong partner.
9. Don't Behave Like a Couple
One of the golden rules is don't act like a couple or do 'coupley' things together.
Even though you are having sex - and hopefully good sex - you shouldn't do other things you wouldn't do with a friend - no holding hands, no goodbye kisses, no public displays of emotion.....you get the picture.
If you start doing 'coupley' things together then you are going down the road of a regular couple and away from the vision of steamy hot sex and erotic encounters without commitment you had imagined at the outside.
Don't behave like a couple and you will reap the benefits of the 'relationship' in other, more exciting ways.
10. Don't Be Clingy or Jealous
With frenefits you are not dating or in a relationship. At least not in the traditional meanings of such anyway.....it is a mutually beneficial sexual relationship with someone you are friendly with.
Nothing kills the excitement and enjoyment of frenefits like one partner trying to control the other, or being jealous or clingy of their partner.
Typically, jealousy is a sign or feelings developing and is a good indication of the frenefits 'relationship' nearing an end...either a natural conclusion, or a move towards a more traditional type of relationship.
11. Stay Protected
Frenefits is all about fun, excitement and enjoyment and there if nothing fun, exciting or enjoying about an unplanned pregnancy or a sexually transmitted infection (STI).
Always protect yourself and your partner. No exceptions. No excuses.
Frenefits partners are not necessarily exclusive - depending on the agreement - so protection is even more important where there might be more than two active partners 'at play'.
In short, make protection a priority and ensure you in agreement on it from the outset. This is one rule you cannot ignore and potentially has more long-term consequences than many of the others.
12. Be Discreet
Discretion is an under rated virtue. This is doubly true in the case of frenefits 'dating'.
Typically, frenefits 'relationships' run more smoothly with discretion and privacy.
Not everyone will agree with your choice of 'relationship' and the more people that know about it the more likely you are to get unwanted attention, commentary and potentially criticism.
Respect each other's privacy and keep from sharing details other than with friends you trust implacably and whom you know wont be judgmental or critical.
Agree on what level of privacy you want and expect from your partner at the outset and keep to what is agreed.
13. Keep Things Exciting
Even in a purely sexual 'relationship' things can get stale so it is hugely important to keep things exciting.
Try to avoid just repeating the same things over and over again.
Be adventurous. Be spontaneous. Mix things up. Try new things.
Try avoid slipping into lazy or boring habits and have on-going discussions about how you can keep things exciting.
14. Be a Good Lover
When the purpose of a relationship is sex, then you may aswell ensure it is good sex.
As there is no requirement to do 'coupley' things together, it leaves lots of time and energy to focus your attention on being a good lover and and ensuring both you and your partner are being satisfied sexually.
You may even be encouraged to be more adventurous than you might be if you considered your partner to be a potential long-term partner.
Some of the suggestions based on members feedback include:
- Don't rush - or overlook entirely - foreplay.
- Be willing to try new things and experiment.
- Be considerate of your partners needs and wants.....this will lead to reciprocation!
- Consider sex toys, role play, dressing up, sex talk....whatever floats your boat.
- Don't get into the habit of repeating the same things every time.
- Discuss your fantasies together.
15. Don't Be Afraid to Call it Quits
Unfortunately all good things typically come to an end. This is true in relationships and dating and equally true in frenefits.
It doesn't matter how good or exciting the relationship, the likelihood is that you and your frenefits partner are eventually going to go your separate way.
Perhaps unreciprocated feelings have developed or perhaps the 'relationship' is just coming to a natural conclusion.
No matter what the reason, when the writing is on the wall be prepared to move on. Do it respectfully and considerably.
Try leave on a good footing nd try leave so both parties can look back with fond memories.
In friends with benefits, as with all relationships, a lot of factors are your own personal preferences and choices that you comfortable with. Our 'rules', which are really more guidelines and considerations, are to inform your decisions but ultimately it all comes down to you and your own personal preferences.
Remember friends with benefits works great for some people but it is also not for everyone and whether it is or isn't for you that is perfectly ok once you are happy with your lifestyle and choices. Ultimately your safety and your happiness are the most important things to consider.